Bryce Harper forgoes MLB career; Moves straight to HOF

As good as bronze

In a surprising turn of events Bryce Harper, the likely No. 1 pick in Monday’s draft, has decided to skip the remainder of his MLB career and move straight to the Hall of Fame. The move, while unexpected, did not come out of nowhere. After famously skipping his last two years of high school to enter the draft earlier some had speculated that the hype surrounding his talent and prodigious light tower power was enough to get him in. The Harper and Boras camp appear to have agreed with that sentiment.

“We decided that it was in Bryce’s best interests to skip the remainder of his career in the Major Leagues and move him straight to Cooperstown. There’s nothing more for him to prove so it’s only best for Bryce to get him to the HOF as soon as possible, ” his father, Ron Harper, explains.

“On draft day, based on the contract Stephen (Strasburg) received, we’ll be looking for a slightly higher signing bonus in comparison to that since Bryce already has a bust in Cooperstown. Stephen just didn’t have the resume that Bryce has, ” Bryce’s agent Scott Boras states.

Although Harper hasn’t accumulated any ACTUAL statistics at the big league level current big leaguers couldn’t really argue against the decision-making of the 17-year-old. Most were surprised to find out that Harper hadn’t played any professional games at all, at any level.

“That kid from the Nationals? Really? Man, I could have sworn he had, like, 500 home runs by now. Hey, you think you could get his autograph for me?” – Former No. 1 overall pick Chipper Jones

Consensus around the league is that Harper will get in once he is eligible to be voted upon by the HOF committee, but not all former Major Leaguers are supportive of the decision or the general feeling that Harper will get in on the first ballot.

“I really don’t think he should get in. You know, his career is like me; it’s got no legs.” – Former MLBer Ron Santo

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One Response to Bryce Harper forgoes MLB career; Moves straight to HOF

  1. Cricker says:

    I watched the extensive MLB Network interview with Bruce Harper (he seems like the kind of guy who would be pissed if I called him Bruce) and noted two things:

    1. His haircut is even more douchebag than his eye black (although Drew Pomeranz wins the shitty hair award. Definitely an 80.)

    2. He compared himself to MICKEY FUCKING MANTLE. When did he first learn of Mantle? The ESPN movie *61. So, pretty much he thinks Barry Pepper is attractive. I really hope he picks up Mantle’s most endearing quality, alcoholism, and nothing else.

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