Canseco Working On New Book: Juiced II. Who Ever Said I Stopped Using Steroids?

I promise to mash, the whole mash and only mash so help me God.

Being an accomplished writer Jose Canseco knows a thing or two about story structure. But while his first offering was of the non-fiction variety, Canseco’s current story is straight out of a fairy tale. That is, if the setting of his fairy tales is the United Baseball League.

That’s right baseball nuts, Canseco is back to his old tricks. At the over-ripe age of 46 Jose Canseco showed the world (and maybe some GMs looking to sell tickets) that he can still MASH:

LAREDO, Texas — Jose Canseco hit a long home run to left-center field on the third pitch of the first at-bat of his United League Baseball debut.

Canseco’s home run capped Laredo’s six-run sixth inning and the Broncos beat the Rio Grande Valley WhiteWings 16-8 on Monday night.

Personally, as a devout Rio Grande fanatic (GO WHITEWINGS!), I couldn’t be more devastated. But the baseball fan in me is rejoicing because of this little tidbit found a few paragraphs later:

Canseco said he will be the designated hitter, serve as a bench coach and pitch for the team.

Canseco will hit, coach and pitch for the remainder of the Broncos’ season. That triples his chances of doing something ridiculous. Lest you forget what happened the last time Canseco tried his hand as a hurler.

To summarize, Jose Canseco is back. Back in a big way. And one can only speculate the stringency of the United Baseball League’s drug policy. But as long as he sells a couple extra dozen tickets, I think they’ll look the other way concerning former MLB MVP & ROY Jose Canseco (Acronyms baby!).

As a finisher, a totally untrue and made-up excerpt from the yet-to-be released Juiced II. Now being co-written by incredibly talented and not opportunistic Stephenie Meyer!

Jose’s smoldering bat was a fiery, glowing, masterful masterpiece of mastering. He was totally massively massive as his smoldering eyes watched the ball fly toward him. He would have to make a choice; swing…or become a vampire. He swung the bat with smoldering force with his most bestest strength. He had made his choice, per se.

– Stephenie Meyer

Now, MOVIES! The first is footage of the bomb and the second is completely unrelated:

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