Bill Simmons: A Drinking Game

"Tom Brady's hair, from MY Patriots, is like the cast of The Princess Bride playing basketball against Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf while Chunk from the Goonies plays power forward for the 1976 Celtics."

A lot of things get done while riding out an extended period of unemployment. Unfortunately, getting a job appears to be towards the end of the totem pole. Fret not Been Stew fan (fans?) because we’ve thought of something to occupy those wasting away with daytime TV.

For the 6,000 word article fanatics out there God has given us Bill Simmons. That guy insulates articles like the Pink Panther. When the self-proclaimed Sports Guy isn’t using up multiple servers with 1980’s movie analogies and People magazine references he moonlights as a guest on the normally enjoyable ESPN show PTI: Pardon the Interruption.

Simmons will take the spot of either Tony Kornheiser or Michael Wilbon when one of them is away. And this is when the drinking starts.

For anyone wondering what 2-3 beers from 4:30-5pm Central taste like, this is the drinking game for you. Mind you, these rules were put together in less than 4 minutes and are completely open to any rule changes that you see fit. This is really just a result of what unemployment can do to a person’s mindset:

  • 1 shot of beer for every time Simmons makes a pop culture reference
  • 1 shot of beer for every time Simmons mentions any Boston team including the Patriots
  • 2 shots of beer for every time Simmons mentions any Boston team including the Patriots that is completely off topic

Grab a brew and drink up. For those contributing to society by actually working make sure to set your DVR.

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