We’ve all heard how Derek Jeter’s agent Casey Close is “baffled” by the Yankees’ negotiations with their franchise shortstop. But it wasn’t till now that we know the context of that comment. In a Been Stew exclusive, here’s the transcript of a voicemail left by Casey Close on Derek Jeter’s cell phone:
Hey Cap’n, it’s Casey. I’ve been reading some internet blogs and I think your demands are a tad too high. Apparently people aren’t fooled by gold gloves any more. Let’s face it, if your name were Marco Scutaro, you’d be lucky to get 2 years $12 million. And, by the way, we gotta quit milking the “clutch” stuff. Acting like you got hit by a pitch isn’t clutch. You know what is clutch? Try singlehandedly exempting yourself and teammates from serving in the South Korean military one week before getting bombed by the crazy North Koreans. That’s clutch. When you can add that to your resume, I’ll push for 5 years $80 million. Until then, I think we should be happy with 3 years $45 million. Frankly, it baffles me that they’d even offer that much. Toodles.